stressed

Im soooo frustrated with myself beyond any point of resentment

I can't be a teacher

'Cause i can't stand it when people doesn't respond to me.

I mean, if you can't understand something or didn't hear it clearly the first time (trust me I do that all the time), you can always ask the person to repeat it.
Don't stand there like you didn't hear anything and let the other party wait.
Don't stutter like a broken record trying to get your point through. (and still fail in that attempt)

I'm sorry I get impatient when I'm stressed, but I don't sympathize when I sense that you're not meaning well.
If you don't like something, speak up and suggest a better idea or alternative.
We should always focus on problems at hand, not on the people.
Don't go ambiguous on me by saying "I dunno" when I ask for your opinion, and then secretly dislike me for doing something.
And not once or twice, but quite a few times d.

Contrary to what you may think, i can sense your dissatisfaction when you talk. So why is it so difficult to come up straight and tell me what you think, instead of bottling in every time I ask, then later be grumpy about it and dump your negativity on me?
At least I try. Can't say the same for you.

Gosh I seriously prefer straightforwardness and and honesty over ambiguity in relationships.

(this makes me more empathetic towards those guys who have no idea what some girls are thinking hahahaha. well only in certain cases lah. Some of the guys are just plain insensitive xD)

I don’t get angry often. It takes a lot to get me more than mildly annoyed. ‘Cause I don’t get angry with strangers/acquaintances/people who are unimportant to me.
They’re not important enough to spoil my mood. I usually just stay away. Maintain my distance. But there are some instances where I can't maintain distance and have to deal with some people I don't really like on a regular basis.
So.

Let's focus on positive.
Luckily you're not my groupmate.
Luckily you're not my roommate.

Lalalala.... we should forget what is unimportant.
I should stock up on more cookies. Running out fast. lol.

and something is wrong with my mouse's left click.,..

Oxford

Went to Oxford yesterday. It was raining, so didn’t take many pictures. Mood already dampened by the rain. I think it’s not as nice as Cambridge city.
But from the pictures uploaded by other friends, it seems that there are some corners of the city which shows its true history.

Actually I’m more interested in the Bodleian Library and Christ Church, which were the film locations for the Hogwarts library and Great Hall in Harry Potter movies.
Haha HP fan here. But ah, the entrance tickets are expensive. What a turn-off. =.=

Anyway heard that the queue was damn long. So even if you are willing to pay, u may not be able to get in either. Luckily for us, we have internet. can view anytime at the comfort of our own room and can take our own sweet time. xD

Bodleian Library

(by J.Samoral in Flikr)

featured as Library in Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry

(http://www.historic-uk.com/DestinationsUK/HarryPotter.html)

Christ Church - Great Hall


(the above 3 pictures, see also know that they are taken by professionals la.
So credits to them, not me)

So instead of trying to find our ways to those tourist attractions in Oxford, ky and I decided to just hang out. Stroll casually along the streets. Go into whatever shops that catch our attention. Visit a museum or two.

Curi the map from Simon and took off. Haha…sorry Simon. I’m sure you won’t miss us anyway. Maybe your map. =P

Tours organized by Hallam Union has poor services. No student rep. Not all students are provided maps. No advice on where to go what to play. Tsk tsk. It charges the same ticket price with tour agencies but lousy customer service.

But it’s good to get out and breathe some fresh air, change of mind and scenery after every hectic week of assignments.

Saw this bookshop that sells all of its books at 2pounds each!! All of its books are expensive kinds. I’d say within the range of RM36-RM150++.
Political, Science, Art, Travel, Fiction, Business, Religion, Health etc.
Stayed so long in there, trying to get a book I’d want enough to buy it, or there’s someone I can give it to. Didn’t wanna buy just because it’s worth it, ‘cause I feel like that’s insulting a book’s existence lol. But in the end couldn’t find, felt so sad...
Ky and I managed to grab a book each, after almost an hour in there I think. xD

Day trips like these are fun actually. Only drawback is the bus ride. 6-8 hours to and return journey. Tiring.

As if to make up for the rainy day, we saw this spectacular view as reached home and headed for dinner in city centre.

Rainbow!

Not only 1....

But a double rainbow!
My camera can’t capture clearly the second rainbow.
but it can be seen very clearly, in reverse colors.

the rainbow is so wide that it cannot fit into my lens.
Needa take two shots for complete bow lol.

After awhile, the rainbow became a stacker rainbow. The one that.. erm, below the normal rainbow is immediately attached with a range of colors, but fainter and narrower.
wiki if u're interested to know =)

And after some time, all 7 rainbow colors became more vivid. Macam highlighted by Stabilo highlighter. When the stacker (supernumerary) rainbow appeared, I stopped taking pics and just enjoy it haha. It lasted so long. Never seen this before.

ok la i insert one pic i curi from a fb fren xD

credits to Henry Yee

Had a very nice dinner at Hong Kong Wok. Ironic.
At Malaysia, we go eat Western. At UK, we go eat Oriental food.
Maybe food taste better when they’re more expensive. Lol.

Winter Break '11

 

 

I am afraid that I wish for the wrong thing to happen . I, once said that I hoped for a good friend in a foreign land here.
Now to think about it, having a close friend does not necessarily ameliorate the situation, instead it can backfire.

Semester 2 - Be gentle on me

It has been such a long time since I've last blogged.
Today is my last day of my 3-week long winter break, and I hardly can recall what I've done during my first week of break. 
Last semester...was by far, the most stressful period time of my life. And every time whenever I am enrolled into a new semester, it just have to break a new record in my depression meter. I wonder how worst can these be progressively worse.
This year I relentlessly disappoint myself, my brain is just not cooperating with me. I did some studies during this break, but seems like it not quite enough.
Anyway, I am praying hard that I will pass my resit this coming September. I don't wish to repeat my year.
Honestly, I am very afraid of losing my old self which seems to be clear of my goals and my study methods of previous years seem to be working in the way that I wanted. But this year...it came as a shock to me. Maybe its the change of environment. I need operant conditioning,perhaps.
So, I really really really hope my memory will return to its normal capacity (or even better) and will be more focused for this coming semester. I can't afford to fcuk up anymore...

星期一 晴

转眼间，我已离家3个星期了。这将是我第一次离家3-4个月这么久。

my room - first window from left

每次与爸妈skype完，都有一种想哭的念头。 不懂是不是那一句：
“怎样？过得还好吗？”

我自己可以很坚强地去陌生的地方，去走我没走过的路，
完成我一开始不懂怎样做的assignments, 面对各种不同类型的人…

但是，就是你的那句，令我第一次有想要流泪的念头。哈哈…都不懂做么。
明明平时在家的时候，差不多半天以上的时间都窝在房间里的。你们也常不在家。加起来一天最多就只有2-3小时吃饭和聊天的时间罢了。

我想，我习惯的，是感受到你们的存在。
就算你们不在家，我知道，你们是会回来的。
就算我在房间，我知道，只要我下楼，你们就会在那。

我可以，在任何时候，和你说些无聊的话。
例如…申诉下我的assignment有多么的难做，很想死啊…
炫耀一下今天那个公认很难伺候的教授竟然肯开金口说我们
“Well done! Good job!”啊…
皱着眉头问为什么我现在吃着的kiwi酱鬼死酸啊…
还有一些委屈的事等等

这些，都是skype那十几分钟里面被省略掉的。
取而代之的，是不知道要讲什么又有所保留的尴尬。
话题绕来绕去都是重复着课业，钱，时间这些外在的问题。
不敢讲太多，怕有情绪的波动。所以只好被动地，回答着你们的问题，再说几句无关紧要的话题。

我看，这些对于那些常年在外的学子早已习以为常了吧。
比起那些还要边工作边读书的，一读就4-5年的，我这算小儿科啦。

但是，令我感动的是
从几句话或动作，就能感受到你们对我的关怀和爱。


我过得好好，不用担心。=)

（但是你们又看不到我的Blog, 也看不到我的facebook, 所以...就酱啦。哈哈）