*Sneezes* Godammit...
Im having flu , and NO i hope its not swine flu.
Sigh,peers will be avoiding me soon.Vaccination costs around nzd18.50.What the hell...I blame the excessive 2 hours work out yesterday at late night,i blamed the 2 hours of swimming in moana pool before dinner,i blame the freezing cold weather...
Before you click X to close this tab and decide you hav no desire to read yet another rant detailing the flaws of the public health system or simply how sucky my life is let me just say that i understand everyone has their problems and now im trying hard to be optimistic.
The hall of residence im residing is the best hall i have ever been but to a certain extent i feel tht the residents are likely to have a bias towards international students (by saying bias i dont mean discrimination).Being the only international student,the staffs here may think its cool,good for them but for the residents here,they do think you can speak their language...AT ALL.So they were like wow...ya speak like a kiwi,are you sure ya a foreigner?I dont find it necessary to check my passport to reconfirm my nationality.They say i fit well into the environment but quite often,many things remind me of home.And i am not narcissistic enought to believe i was doing them a favour by adapting to kiwi's slangs.
Toga parade this year was like ~wow.The toga parade debacle made it all the way from ODT to CNN,thus ensuring that the people involved we're not just considered uncouth idiots in their own country but worldwide too.Wait a sec,i was in the toga parade but not participating in it,taking pictures of them is rather an enjoyment for me and JOno.Its predicted tht it will sore the country's image.While i want to clarify tht i am not in any way defending the practise of students throwing faeces n pukes while chanting their own colleges (membangkitkan semangat assabiah,rasanyer),i do feel tht quite a number are ruining the country's image.Asian peers in science field are stereotypically labelled as nerds and antisocials.Fair enough as the drunkens are todays' media vandals which mostly consists of the non asians.
What Dunedin city needs to try to attain is a process of mutual respect.When i say a 'process' it does starts from colleges.People (im like seriously) dont worship med or dent course as if they were the only courses to be in for.Fcuk u if u dont understand.
I have friends (sadly most of them) tht are living up to what we've been labelled,in a self-fulfilling propechy.We all need to remember that you can catch more bee with honey than with vinegar,and that those who are treated with respect are more likely to return it.Just because im unable (lowest probability ) to get into med or dent,doesnt mean tht i dont bring the IQ up of my very own label.And if being Asian is such a disadvantage (to some PPL),then try speaking our language and comprehend.
Its win win.Now fcuk off.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Mindful of nonsense
Staring at the sky is a leisure.I opened my ventilator to avoid crying windows.Was told by our monthly college's newsletter to do so.Keeping the bedroom's environment healthy.
I have been so shitty these days.Friends are like " Hey its edmund,he is in 'the' shitty mode again,try not to trigger him".
Well i heard you Joanna,i wasnt tht into my ipod just then.
Life is pacing up slowly when it comes to study,but accelerates toward exams...time frozes when its not going on my way .Felt like im slacking off when im trying hard to cope with lectures and assesments.
I have been so shitty these days.Friends are like " Hey its edmund,he is in 'the' shitty mode again,try not to trigger him".
Well i heard you Joanna,i wasnt tht into my ipod just then.
Life is pacing up slowly when it comes to study,but accelerates toward exams...time frozes when its not going on my way .Felt like im slacking off when im trying hard to cope with lectures and assesments.
Friends here are not in ease with each other.It becomes more apparent when a pair of what seems to be the bestest friend pair ever refused to talk or even look at each other.Tensions are building up and akwardness always come alongside the intensity especially in dinner table.It affected us (the others,my gang).We lived in the same house or at least the same hall of residence.We cant really (not trying either) to comprehend this kinda situation,its just not written in our friendship rule.The funny thing is me being an asshole,never really piss someone off here tht much,yet.And by saying tht,i should behave.
Camaraderie is established but promises are sometimes broken.One might be wounded another might be amused.Crying in pain alone is not a force to create compliance.Its the bitter truth,you cant gain anything by suffering alone.ANd i fully understood tht...Im still in the pursuit of happiness,a pursuit tht knows no halt.ANd this,Thomas Jefferson fully realised it.
zzZ
5.20am in the morning. No idea why I am here at this moment. I’ve been awake since 4 plus and I assure you this is not result from sleeping too much and thus waking up at wee hours in the morning. My back and legs are still aching from excessive walking in not so comfortable shoes. Maybe that’s the reason. Usually I’ll continue my dreams after some lying around. It doesn't seem like that today.
When I was younger, like 4 or 5, I was afraid of being unable to fall asleep. I was still sleeping in my parents’ room at that time. Eventually the fear would get to me and tears start forming in my eyes. Once, I even cried out loud enough to wake my parents. Lol. If you were wondering what was there to be afraid about, it wasn’t the dark. Instead, I felt that I’m lonely and being left behind by the whole world (at least the part where it was night time) when they were sleeping and I wasn't. These were the rare moments where I find dad's snoring comforting. It proved that he's still around even if I couldn't see him.
As I grew older, I still have difficulties falling asleep occasionally, due to reasons such as sleeping time being disrupted by last-minute-revision into late hours and apprehension due to exams or something important occurring the next morning. This time, it’s frustrating rather than scary. As I hear the clock ticking by (this sound becomes unreasonably and irritably clear at these moments), the tension begins to build up gradually. Thoughts such as “Shit, I’ll be lack of energy by morning and end up screwing whatever-which-will-occur-tomorrow” will fill my head and thus making falling asleep even harder.
From these past experiences, I began to learn some ways to ease these feelings of anxiety.
1) Strictly refrain from checking the clock every once in a while, cuz it does nothing but heighten your stress level.
2) Do deep breathing exercises and clear your mind (or you can try counting sheep. I’m too lazy for that)
Above two ways are the ones I use most frequently. If they still don’t work for me and if there’s nothing much important going on the next day, I start doing stuffs like below:
1) Indulge in reminiscence of sweet old times from primary school days or earlier, up till college days (I’ve got loads of sweet and funny memories. And yes, I’ll laugh out loud when I recall the funny moments and muffle my screams in pillow in the embarrassing parts. Lol)
2) Simply let my imagination run wild.
3) Or if I’m really that wide awake, get up and grab a book to read. Or write something.
These usually doesn’t have much effect in inducing sleep, but simply some sort of pastime to fill in those lonely hours. It just shows that I no longer want to pressure myself for something I couldn’t control.
The best time to get sleeping problems are days like today. In other words, during holiday. It doesn’t really matter since I can always sleep at anytime later, and I even feel quite good since I can breathe fresh morning air. (Usually I won’t wake up before 9am during holidays even with the alarm clock shrieking) I’d rather be insomniac now than other days. Thus, today is a good day. =D
When I was younger, like 4 or 5, I was afraid of being unable to fall asleep. I was still sleeping in my parents’ room at that time. Eventually the fear would get to me and tears start forming in my eyes. Once, I even cried out loud enough to wake my parents. Lol. If you were wondering what was there to be afraid about, it wasn’t the dark. Instead, I felt that I’m lonely and being left behind by the whole world (at least the part where it was night time) when they were sleeping and I wasn't. These were the rare moments where I find dad's snoring comforting. It proved that he's still around even if I couldn't see him.
As I grew older, I still have difficulties falling asleep occasionally, due to reasons such as sleeping time being disrupted by last-minute-revision into late hours and apprehension due to exams or something important occurring the next morning. This time, it’s frustrating rather than scary. As I hear the clock ticking by (this sound becomes unreasonably and irritably clear at these moments), the tension begins to build up gradually. Thoughts such as “Shit, I’ll be lack of energy by morning and end up screwing whatever-which-will-occur-tomorrow” will fill my head and thus making falling asleep even harder.
From these past experiences, I began to learn some ways to ease these feelings of anxiety.
1) Strictly refrain from checking the clock every once in a while, cuz it does nothing but heighten your stress level.
2) Do deep breathing exercises and clear your mind (or you can try counting sheep. I’m too lazy for that)
Above two ways are the ones I use most frequently. If they still don’t work for me and if there’s nothing much important going on the next day, I start doing stuffs like below:
1) Indulge in reminiscence of sweet old times from primary school days or earlier, up till college days (I’ve got loads of sweet and funny memories. And yes, I’ll laugh out loud when I recall the funny moments and muffle my screams in pillow in the embarrassing parts. Lol)
2) Simply let my imagination run wild.
3) Or if I’m really that wide awake, get up and grab a book to read. Or write something.
These usually doesn’t have much effect in inducing sleep, but simply some sort of pastime to fill in those lonely hours. It just shows that I no longer want to pressure myself for something I couldn’t control.
The best time to get sleeping problems are days like today. In other words, during holiday. It doesn’t really matter since I can always sleep at anytime later, and I even feel quite good since I can breathe fresh morning air. (Usually I won’t wake up before 9am during holidays even with the alarm clock shrieking) I’d rather be insomniac now than other days. Thus, today is a good day. =D
Monday, May 4, 2009
i love my lazy afternoons~
Today on the way home from KL, I thought of dropping by SMKBI to collect my 1119 cert. It has been around three years since we’ve sat for SPM examinations… so long that I’ve almost forgotten which batch was I in when the clerks asked me. By the way, for the info of fellows SMKBIans, Lam Chi Bin was the “pelajar cemerlang” of year 2007. The clerks resorted to use him as the benchmark to confirm the year of my batch, lol.
While waiting for them to dig through mountains of certificates for mine, I looked around for bit. Nothing much changes since the last time I set foot in here to collect SPM cert. Students’ voices could still be heard from every corner of the school although it was way past recess time. Two or three fellows could still be found lurking in the corners of the lonelier stairways. Puan Raja was still as annoying as ever. There was some discipline case going on, ’cause I heard her making announcement, summoning people to the discipline room. Being so busy, she was still able to ask me the “so, what have I got” question in the meantime of going in and out the office. No doubt she’s forgotten who I was. I guess she expected me to say I got a great amount of scholarship and am going to fly to UK in a week’s time, that kinda answer. =.= Whatever I get, I’ll still end up better than your “brilliant Rambo” son. =x
Haha… anyway guys, don’t bother to go collect your 1119 cert as the latest batch they’ve received was batch 2005. Our batch – 2006, belum dapat lagi, even though it’s been three years… Entah sampai bila-bila baru dapat. Another two or three years later, no one will ever bother collecting it anymore.
Recently I’ve developed a liking towards this Chinese band, SodaGreen. Or better known as 苏打绿. They’ve been around for quite a few years already but I have just noticed them not long ago. Some people might dislike the vocalist because of his appearance being a little too… feminine for a guy. But if you put that gender matter aside, his voice is really unique and can see that he puts a lot of emotion in his singing.
I embedded a Chinese oldies song which I love, sang by this band. The one on the bottom was another of their songs,陪我歌唱. This song has a beautiful MV. =) Enjoy~
While waiting for them to dig through mountains of certificates for mine, I looked around for bit. Nothing much changes since the last time I set foot in here to collect SPM cert. Students’ voices could still be heard from every corner of the school although it was way past recess time. Two or three fellows could still be found lurking in the corners of the lonelier stairways. Puan Raja was still as annoying as ever. There was some discipline case going on, ’cause I heard her making announcement, summoning people to the discipline room. Being so busy, she was still able to ask me the “so, what have I got” question in the meantime of going in and out the office. No doubt she’s forgotten who I was. I guess she expected me to say I got a great amount of scholarship and am going to fly to UK in a week’s time, that kinda answer. =.= Whatever I get, I’ll still end up better than your “brilliant Rambo” son. =x
Haha… anyway guys, don’t bother to go collect your 1119 cert as the latest batch they’ve received was batch 2005. Our batch – 2006, belum dapat lagi, even though it’s been three years… Entah sampai bila-bila baru dapat. Another two or three years later, no one will ever bother collecting it anymore.
Recently I’ve developed a liking towards this Chinese band, SodaGreen. Or better known as 苏打绿. They’ve been around for quite a few years already but I have just noticed them not long ago. Some people might dislike the vocalist because of his appearance being a little too… feminine for a guy. But if you put that gender matter aside, his voice is really unique and can see that he puts a lot of emotion in his singing.
I embedded a Chinese oldies song which I love, sang by this band. The one on the bottom was another of their songs,陪我歌唱. This song has a beautiful MV. =) Enjoy~
Sunday, May 3, 2009
memoriam
i love my green ipod, sigh...
miss him already = (
And got myself a new one.Out of rage ? Erm, i dont know. But i will sayang this one the best i cud.Cuz it costs me more .And im guilt-ridden.Thanks mum,love you heaps.Sigh.By the way its a purple nano.Dunno why it looks blue here.
Sigh..........
thanks mum.XD
anticipation.shortlived.fun-sies.momentary.
Woke up this morning feeling so shitty,to be aware of first thing in the morning tht im supposed to be driven and continue with the vicious cycle of HSFY life,the flow stream of stress.I have been slacking of from three lectures for HUBS and god knows how many for CELS.Im so dead.I totally set things aside this week to study chem and chem191 paper just ended yesterday.SO excited to get it done with and move on with life.Contemplating the precious self acclaimed free quality time right after chem paper yesterday.Did mostly useless things yesterday , anythg but studying...a moment to be treasured.Wanted to go to the beach or chinese garden,but as always its cancelled. reasons? blame my friends. =)
Anyhow managed to cook...asian food yesterday for dinner.
Sigh,anyway back to my shitty day whining mode.Went to do some laundry chuck my armani jeans.Left to study for like 2 hours and went back to the laundry room to only find tht a house mate of mine took my clothes out (cuz he wanna use the w.machine) and told me my IPOD is in pocket.I was like...huh...and i stared at my mini green motivator.lifeless but shiny. ( XP ) He looked on...with his sympathethic expression,saying "Its not good,bro "... T.T (*clearly i know)
I was wondering how would i survive without my ipod last night...n the day before.How it does function as my sole entertainer,motivator,and my personal conformer.
And this is wat happened today.Is this karma? Or im just being tested to what extent a student can be depressed.
I got shitty marks for HUBS,i can foresee my disastrous CELS results,and i got an extremely dissapointing grade for phySics.So whats next?Give me a break,man.
Anyhow managed to cook...asian food yesterday for dinner.
Sigh,anyway back to my shitty day whining mode.Went to do some laundry chuck my armani jeans.Left to study for like 2 hours and went back to the laundry room to only find tht a house mate of mine took my clothes out (cuz he wanna use the w.machine) and told me my IPOD is in pocket.I was like...huh...and i stared at my mini green motivator.lifeless but shiny. ( XP ) He looked on...with his sympathethic expression,saying "Its not good,bro "... T.T (*clearly i know)
I was wondering how would i survive without my ipod last night...n the day before.How it does function as my sole entertainer,motivator,and my personal conformer.
And this is wat happened today.Is this karma? Or im just being tested to what extent a student can be depressed.
I got shitty marks for HUBS,i can foresee my disastrous CELS results,and i got an extremely dissapointing grade for phySics.So whats next?Give me a break,man.