thr's a chapel in my soul

Social medicine and epidemiology lecture just ended. I found myself dumbstruck revising the notes that i find a little affinity with.Something about the headings " Severe hardships " keep me riveting.Down those bullet points, i saw the description of life shocks, given an elaboration of conditions justifying the state of bankruptcy and marriage break ups. And then i suddenly thought...what about me?
My challenge to the group was met with averted eyes. Despite an appreciation of our cultural diversity,i have learned a great depth of discomfort . I did not plead them neither asking for a favour to see me in all sorts of complexity. And all i can thought of is just how to drift past 2009.Its mentally challenging and physically straining. I learnt that friends are just labels you termed people as. Unspoken truth, lies and bitching are all part of this facade.
Im too numb to handle the 'friendship prognosis'. I cant be bothered to tolerate or to be tolerated. I despise people here, how fake and bitchy they could be. And since when entitlement is something you should gain when you wanna lose your temper? Is this the life i opt for? Why am i so unprepared for all these shytes? Friends accused me of being indifferent and bad tempered. Why wouldnt they think about the reasons to it? And again, its part of their fake empathethic dialogue again, its part of their game.
I have tried to forgive her, but she makes it inaccessible.Little did she realise tht it is irreversible now.The things she did is in line with the prevention paradox hypothesis.She said one thing but did another."She's just being a bitch again".I was too naive , even for my own age , that things will be for the better, and perhaps it did, but on a long run.I have been told that in near future, my light will be bleak.I've been told that i did so little that i will be ridiculed if im spiralling into depression.And he has been told that how she wished he is as obedient as the dog fetching a twig back to his owner. She made herself clear that it is a misfortune to flat with her.She particularly confronted me that she hate things being said behind her back. And then,she did all of those ...Doing things behind our back,not that i care, it just brings me back on the pondering zone of how fake a person can be.Looking at their pictures in facebook, no one could have ever doubt such young 'angelic' faces would turn so ugly inside out. And there was a few other ones.All i could sense from them is the smell of bitchiness.They segregate and then isolate you.Like random toys u pick up,played on your own pace and pleasure and then threw them aside.I could talk to noone here,the image of me being humiliated or betrayed always pop out in advance,i can always see a coherent image of me being hurt.Like what they did to her.And how i was influenced to do so as well. And i regretted signing the contract.The contract that bound us to stay together for the whole 12 months of 2010.Again, fcuk u all.